Goals

 What I want to do in Chicago (in no particular order):

*Learn to play the piano

*Take voice lessons

*Learn to tap

*Dance

*Sing

*Smile

*Stop smoking cigarettes

*Get a bike

*Fall in love

*Take a scene study class

*Take an improv class

*Get a voice reel together

*New headshots

*Audition

*Act

*Be happy

I am making enough money to pay my bills, and I’m not starving to death, so theoretically, I’m doing great! But piano lessons, dance classes and headshots cost money….so money I must make.

I have a really great job right now. I work full-time, and like I said, I’m paying my bills. I’m making money, but it’s still not enough.

So it’s looking like I’m going to have to pick up a second job, at least for a while.

I’m going to be so tired, but I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. Hard work has never kept me from accomplishing something. Duh.

So I’m going to work my ass off. Like I always do. So that I can do the things I want to do in my life.

As for my life here, I have never been happier than I am right now. I have never known myself as well as I do now. I am so happy.

And if I need to save money somewhere, at least I’m doing it here.

Still a week from another paycheck, I went to CVS earlier and bought milk, eyeliner and a CTA pass…

You know…the necessities… 

I absolutely cannot afford to buy cigarettes. Cigarettes and I have to break up.

So without further adieu: A farewell….

Dear Cigarettes,

Our love affair is over. I’m sorry, but it has to be. I don’t love you anymore. You’re not good for me. You spend all my money, and I’m sick of it.  It’s been a great eight years dude, but you treat me like shit, so I’m out of here.

Good luck. I bet they ban you in the streets soon.

If I see you out, please don’t try to kindle our flame. This may be hard, but I would really appreciate it if you didn’t respond to any drunken attempts at reconnection.  

When we are together, I can’t sing, I can’t dance, and I can’t breathe.

You’re an asshole, peace out. 

Randi V. Wallace

So here we go. Day 1 of no cigarettes…again… I can’t even count how many times I’ve quit. 

Oh well! Maybe 329^th time’s the charm?

To healthy lungs and a happy heart! 

And That's the Name of That Tune!

I am terrible at relationships. (There. I said it.)

My relationships don’t generally work out.  They usually end badly, painfully, with one or both parties left emotionally scarred.

They have a fairly steady run of course: I usually find myself lonely, then become infatuated with a very sexy, yet emotionally unavailable man that I have little in common with, and he's usually blonde. 

He tends to be whiney, dramatic, and treat me like shit when he's frustrated.

And I usually reciprocate this behavior %100.

My lady friends try to warn me that he's being an asshole and I'm not being myself, which upsets me so I don't hang out with them as much.

Within a matter of months, I realize that he doesn't give two shits about me, which hurts my pride, so I act like a bitch and we break up. I run and cry to my lady friends.

(I always seem to think that I can turn an emotionally unavailable man into the best boyfriend ever!) 

But not anymore. I am smarter than I used to be. I can see it coming, so I can stop it. Now. Before it's too late and another relationship is ruined. 

But that brings me to my next obstacle...

Sex.

Okay, if you are reading this blog and you are my grandmother, former preacher, or Sunday school teacher, I recommend that you read no further. Contrary to what you may believe, I do not have a Barbie doll crotch.

I am a very sexual person. I like sex quite a bit. In fact, I get very bitchy and whiney if I have to go long periods of time without sex. 

That being said, I am absolutely incapable of having casual sex. It’s not in my wiring.

Regular sex and emotional attachment wouldn't be issues if I had a boyfriend. But I don’t need a boyfriend right now. I need to focus.

I always have a god damn boyfriend. And it always gets me nowhere.  

Many people are aware that my previous blog “A New Chapter” was quickly deleted once I got lonely and started dating a co-worker last fall.

In that blog I said that I was going to be single for two years.

In real life I was single for about five minutes.

(It didn't work out. Obviously.) 

On top of all of this, I can’t help but admit that I absolutely love falling in love.

It’s the best rush in the world.

So here I am again.

I need to find a balance. Some suggest that I find a battery operated balance.

Badumpsh.

Two years?

Fuck if I know! 

All I can do is be here now.