And That's the Name of That Tune!

I am terrible at relationships. (There. I said it.)

My relationships don’t generally work out.  They usually end badly, painfully, with one or both parties left emotionally scarred.

They have a fairly steady run of course: I usually find myself lonely, then become infatuated with a very sexy, yet emotionally unavailable man that I have little in common with, and he's usually blonde. 

He tends to be whiney, dramatic, and treat me like shit when he's frustrated.

And I usually reciprocate this behavior %100.

My lady friends try to warn me that he's being an asshole and I'm not being myself, which upsets me so I don't hang out with them as much.

Within a matter of months, I realize that he doesn't give two shits about me, which hurts my pride, so I act like a bitch and we break up. I run and cry to my lady friends.

(I always seem to think that I can turn an emotionally unavailable man into the best boyfriend ever!) 

But not anymore. I am smarter than I used to be. I can see it coming, so I can stop it. Now. Before it's too late and another relationship is ruined. 

But that brings me to my next obstacle...

Sex.

Okay, if you are reading this blog and you are my grandmother, former preacher, or Sunday school teacher, I recommend that you read no further. Contrary to what you may believe, I do not have a Barbie doll crotch.

I am a very sexual person. I like sex quite a bit. In fact, I get very bitchy and whiney if I have to go long periods of time without sex. 

That being said, I am absolutely incapable of having casual sex. It’s not in my wiring.

Regular sex and emotional attachment wouldn't be issues if I had a boyfriend. But I don’t need a boyfriend right now. I need to focus.

I always have a god damn boyfriend. And it always gets me nowhere.  

Many people are aware that my previous blog “A New Chapter” was quickly deleted once I got lonely and started dating a co-worker last fall.

In that blog I said that I was going to be single for two years.

In real life I was single for about five minutes.

(It didn't work out. Obviously.) 

On top of all of this, I can’t help but admit that I absolutely love falling in love.

It’s the best rush in the world.

So here I am again.

I need to find a balance. Some suggest that I find a battery operated balance.

Badumpsh.

Two years?

Fuck if I know! 

All I can do is be here now.